Joe and Bill: Finding Community Amidst Loss in the National AIDS Memorial Grove

At the height of the AIDS crisis, a community yearned for a positive way to express their grief and founded the National AIDS Memorial Grove.

Today, individuals and groups gather in the National AIDS Memorial Grove for monthly Community Volunteer Workdays. More than a simple volunteer activity, these workdays provide countless individuals impacted by HIV and AIDS with an opportunity to foster community while maintaining a sacred space that allows for the positive expression of grief.

Joe Sobiesiak and Bill Hicks are two leaders and longterm survivors who embody the importance of this community.

Loss and Resilience at the Height of the AIDS Crisis

Joe first moved to San Francisco in the ‘80s, befriending like-minded people who he grew to consider a family. Then came the AIDS crisis. “I lost about 90% of my friends,” Joe explains about the devastation that HIV brought him and countless others across the globe.

“My old partner who was in the Navy died with no memorial,” Bill shares as an example of the damage that HIV and AIDS caused at the height of the crisis. More than just the physical pain caused by the disease, widespread stigma caused family members and friends to ignore their dying loved ones. Volunteering with a buddy program, Bill was there for people with nowhere else to turn. He remembers the helpless feeling of watching other humans suffer from AIDS. “All we could do was be there and hold someone’s hand when they died.”

Finding Community and Purpose in the Grove

When the couple volunteered at the Grove for the first time in 2015, they bonded with the community and its pillars immediately. “It was something that we’d all gone through, unsaid… and it just clicked,” Joe explains.

“At the time, I had a pretty intense desk job,” Bill recalls. “It was so important to get involved with a community outside… and we found it in that magnificent cathedral of trees.” Thousands of people visit this cathedral of trees each year to heal, hope, and remember. That number continues to grow in large part due to the work of volunteers like Joe and Bill.

“When people walk by and ask what we do, we take the time to explain who we are, what we do, what happened to us, and why it’s still important to us,” Joe says.

Joe recalls one emotional experience when he met a group of young visitors sitting in the Grove. “We exchanged numbers, and when they came back to the Bay Area, they scheduled the trip so that they could volunteer. That’s what it’s all about to me… explaining what they don’t see anymore. Let people know that these were people who were ignored by the government and by their families and get people to have more compassion for people who are not well and need a voice.”

The Mission to ‘Never Forget’

Why is it important to remember the story of AIDS today? “While not as devastating as it once was, that doesn’t mean that devastation isn’t still out there,” Joe explains. HIV.gov estimates that more than 30,000 new people tested positive for HIV in the United States alone.

Bill calls attention to one of his most memorable experiences in the Grove, when the AIDS Memorial Quilt was displayed across the grass. “Seeing those rows and rows of panels and knowing that each one was a life that was cut short… The talent, the personalities, the stories… that’s why people come back,” he says about the necessity of sharing the stories of those silenced.

“Our community’s overwhelming response to HIV/AIDS, often called the ’San Francisco Model,’ humanized the tragedy and gave those who were silenced a voice. The Grove and Quilt showed that communities united can overcome so much grief.”

In a time when so many voices are silenced, the power of storytelling and community are as important to remember as ever. Thank you to volunteers like Joe and Bill who help our organization foster community and share these stories with people around the world.

Get Involved

Join us at an upcoming Community Volunteer Workday and become a part of a community that demonstrates the importance of healing, hope and remembrance while maintaining a space to positively express grief.

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